“The increased support in the postpartum period provided to the new mother temporarily changes her role from that of a caregiver to that of being one who is cared for..For a very short, tightly circumscribed period (of 40 days), the mothers are mothered in order to value and protect their future capacity for mothering” Cindy Lee Dennis
For couples who are embarking on a conscious journey of parenthood, the resources are countless; from healthy pregnancy to hypno-birthing and different parental styles. Consistently, there appears to be limited access to information about the very delicate and important time following delivery. Many ‘parents to be’ would not even know that they could plan and organize their postpartum period: a time of life – so fragile and so fundamental for balancing the mental and relational health of the mother, the baby and the family.
The Current Culture
In all traditional cultures we know of a system prevailed which ensured the new mother & baby were protected and nurtured in seclusion. There was awareness that a transformation occurred in the woman´s life and her identity and reality changed for good. To honor such transformation rituals developed which recognized the Great Power of Nature she currently embodied. She was crowned for her deed.
In modern Western society, we seem to have done away with such richness to our own detriment. When one´s body is rapidly changing, and even grieving, any negative experience can seriously wound us and leave a permanent mark in our psyche and our vitality which will be very difficult to recover from later.
The biased society we live in, sees the transition into motherhood as being an entirely positive experience in women’s lives!?
The reality, known by therapists and people working in the maternal world, is that this is a time of major psychological, physiological and social adaptation. It may leave a ‘newly born mother’ in a state of increased vulnerability, susceptible to postpartum depression or even PTSD, if she had a traumatic delivery. That is why as an international organization Postnatal Support Network is informing, training and providing support to newly formed families in this special and delicate time after birth.
Acknowledgement and Support
The 40 days of care and rest gives legitimacy to all those feelings. It sends the message to the new mother that ‘you are allowed to feel like this and that is to be expected you are totally normal’. And that is why it is vital she is served and made to feel like a queen. How many times in life a woman feels like she is a queen?
It takes 9 months to recover and 6 weeks to integrate the transformation
In a ‘split of a second’ (or after 20 hours of labour) nothing is the same again and a new beginning starts.
Without doubt, being born and giving birth are two of the most impactful events in one´s lifetime! After giving birth not only does it take the new mother around 6 weeks to heal from the physical impact of labour, it takes at least this period of time for her to settle into her new role as mother. Stress during the first weeks post labour can contribute to difficulties with breastfeeding, impede the healing of the womb, lead to issues with bonding between mother and child or experiences of postnatal depression.
How does a Mother feel after Birth?
A postpartum woman might feel exhausted, empty, inadequate, insecure, sad, exhilarated or simply hungry (because she doesn’t have enough time to prepare nourishing food). Women long for help, often in secret, too often they silently wish that help would come, without asking for it. Mothers are drained but put on a brave face – after all they must carry on as the future demands it. There is little opportunity to honor her inner reality. Other times a mother can feel unseen, because there is no witness to what she is going through. When one does not feel seen, it is like one does not exist. Perhaps she has been up 7 times in one night to breastfeed, could not get any sleep and has so much to do – cooking, shopping, laundry, walk the dog. She is living life in a sort in a daze, and everyone’s so busy that they do not notice. She might feel that her experience is wrong, ‘… as mothers must feel happy for they have a bundle of joy in their hands’!
The 40 days of care and rest gives legitimacy to all those feelings. It sends the message to the new mother that ‘you are allowed to feel like this and that is to be expected you are totally normal’. And that is why it is vital she is served and made to feel like a queen. How many times in life a woman feels like she is a queen?
The Postnatal Support Network
The PSN raises public awareness by encouraging each ‘new parents to be’ to look for help during their preparation time before birth and find a way to set up a system that suits their personal needs, so the mother is cared for. This support system is of great importance and might play a key role in prevention of postnatal depression.
The PSN also trains members of the public to provide adequate support and develop awareness of the need of new mothers and newborn babies.
The PSN creates a virtual medium, as well as local networks, whereby parents can get in touch with potential helpers.
Postnatal Help and its Benefits
- Being cared for will provide you with time to contain, heal, consolidate, and nurture
- Eating and drinking cautiously according to the needs of your postpartum body
- Accelerated healing of the womb and possible scaring.
- Better bonding between mother, baby and the partner
- Facilitating harmony in relationships within the family
- Ability to ask and receive help. When you allow yourself to receive it is far more easy to give
- Aiding breastfeeding
- Creating a safe place and an having an active listener to mother’s birth story
- Receiving postnatal help in general in terms of: massages, postnatal rituals and healing ceremonies limit the chances of postnatal depression and PTSD
- Feeling connected and belonging to a community
For more information visit www.postnatalsupportnetwork.com or come to the 1st meeting of the Postnatal support network in Portugal.
This article was written by Satya Kaur and Mirena Radulova using resources of the Postnatal Support Network.
